I haven't done a lot of blogging in the last few months, mostly because I'm trying to figure out life.
I promised during the summer to write about what I was learning through a number of parenting and education books I had been reading. There were several thought-provoking ones among them, such as Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman's Nurture Shock and Ron Clark's The Excellent 11.
But the book that affected me the most was one I discovered by accident while reading a mystery novel (Lisa Gardner's Live to Tell). The novel tells the story of a group of children in a residential treatment center for kids with emotional and behavioral issues, whose families are being murdered. In the author's acknowledgements, she describes being drawn to write the story because of the experiences of a friend with such a child. She also cites Dr. Ross W. Greene's book, The Explosive Child and his "collaborative problem-solving approach," for shaping her thinking about kids with behavioral challenges and what can help them.
I found Dr. Greene's book in the library and decided to read it out of curiosity, not thinking it was really relevant to my life. My daughter's behavior isn't explosive (characterized by fits of rage, extreme tantrums and even violence). And yet, almost immediately upon starting it I knew that the book was extremely relevant to both my daughter and me.
The book establishes a key premise: that explosive children do not behave that way intentionally, because children do as well as they can. Instead, explosive children tend to lack certain skills that make less extreme emotional reactions possible. These include such things as the ability to tolerate frustration, disappointment and sudden changes; the ability to positively express and regulate one's emotions; perspective-taking and empathy; and others. When they encounter life's difficulties, they don't know how to handle it other than to explode.
The author describes his concept of collaborative problem-solving as a method in which invite your child to work through problems together, while you model and guide for your child ways to develop the personal and interpersonal skills they might be lacking.
As I read this, I knew exactly how it applied to my child and me. She doesn't explode when she's frustrated, disappointed, or struggling with her emotions; instead, she sulks and withdraws. It's not a more constructive method of handling problems, simply less destructive than exploding.
But I also realized this: I am not really equipped at this point to guide and model a different way for her, because I do the exact same thing. When I am frustrated, angry, overwhelmed or hurt, I sulk and I withdraw.
Reacting this way has had many negative effects on my family relationships, friendships, and career. I am trying to learn how to deal with it for my own sake and so that I can in turn help my daughter.
I met recently with our minister and talked through some of this. She pinpointed something about me: isolation has been a theme of my life. She's right. I have often heard that people's greatest fears are public speaking and death. I have never particularly feared either of those, but I have always feared being alone. Yet I have often felt alone, despite this fear. I am not shy, but I am reserved, and it is difficult for me to move past the acquaintance stage into true friendship with people--one of the reasons why our move to Washington State has been so difficult for me. (That is one area in which my daughter and I differ. She, like her father, is very outgoing).
It wasn't difficult for me to pinpoint the start of my isolation: something pretty awful happened to me when I was six (for a variety of reasons, I don't want to go into it online). But it seared into my psyche that I couldn't trust people to care about my needs or pain, and that it was dangerous to be vulnerable.
And that lesson took hold quickly. A year later, when I was 7, I was in a work group of four students in my class at school, and one of the other girls in the group began taunting me for reasons I don't remember. She was relentless to the point of leaving me in tears. But they were silent tears, so as not to attract the attention of our teacher. Another girl in the group went up to the teacher to ask for tissue for me. I assume the same girl later told the teacher what happened. The next morning, my teacher pulled me aside and asked, "Why didn't you tell me what was going on?"
I shrugged and didn't answer, but I was thinking, "Because you wouldn't have done anything about it." Already in second grade, I was that cynical.
I'm meeting with my minister again next week to discuss this further. But I know it's the root of my tendency to withdraw from others and myself when I'm facing problems, and my daughter is learning that from me. I want to be able to show her, and help her, discover a more positive way of dealing with difficulties.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Friday, December 9, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Parenting advice that works!
I love reading parenting books. I feel like I need a lot of help, and many books out there have great advice. (In a later post, I'll share some of what I've been learning this summer).
But of course, there are so many parenting books out there, and some give differing or contradictory advice. How do you decide which advice to follow?
I have a good friend whose daughter was born a year after my daughter, and I wrote her a letter upon her daughter's birth titled something like, "The Ten Lessons I Learned from My First Year as a Parent." I don't remember all 10, but I do remember that I wrote something like the following about parenting advice: "Take it all in, weigh it, and decide whether it makes sense to you based on your experiences and what you know about your child. And if you're not sure, try it out and evaluate the results." In other words, parenting advice is just that--advice, not truth etched in stone. Advice can be weighed, examined, tried, evaluated, and even rejected.*
One piece of advice I have often read is about children who are picky eaters. The general consensus is that you shouldn't force children to eat anything, just encourage them to try new foods, and eventually they'll eat a variety. Other tips are offered: for example, having children help you grow, cook or prepare foods, and setting a good example by eating healthy foods yourself are recommended.
Still, there are some dissenters from this advice, those who say that kids learn to eat all kinds of foods only when not given a choice about whether or what to eat or not. And sometimes I struggled with whether or not that was true. Here is my tale...
My stubborn mama: My mom grew up with Depression-era parents who were of the mindset that you never waste food and you eat what's put before you or else. My mom, however, was both a very picky eater and very stubborn, and she fought them tooth and nail in this arena. If she was told she couldn't get up until she cleaned her plate, she sat at the table all day. If she was told that she could leave the table but would have to eat the same plate at the next mealtime, she'd go hungry. When faced with a kid that stubborn, parents either have to give in or become abusive (force-feed the kid, beat them, or starve them). Since my grandparents weren't abusive, eventually they'd give in.
But my mother never forgot those battles, and never really overcame her aversion to many foods, either. To this day, she hates oatmeal and most vegetables, except for sweet potatoes, green beans and iceberg lettuce.** And she decided that she wasn't going to battle with her own kids at the table.
She'd serve vegetables, even though she didn't like them, because she knew they were good for kids. But she'd make deals with us: we had to eat as many bites as we were old. Or, if a nutritional equivalent was in the fridge (a salad, or a leftover vegetable we liked), we could exchange it for what was on our plate. Because of this system, there weren't any dinner table battles in our home. But there might not have been anyway, since my siblings and I weren't very picky eaters. (I only disliked peas and lima beans).
My picky daughter: I had hoped for the same with my daughter, but alas, it wasn't to be. While she happily accepted baby food veggies at first, at about 18 months she started spitting them out. By age 3, the only vegetable she would eat was French fries with ketchup. And that bit of advice about how after 15-20 tries of a new food a kid will eat something? Not my kid. I tried hard not to compare her to my niece, who at age 3 was happily ordering bowls of broccoli for lunch.
At this point, I began to doubt the "don't force them, give it time" advice. Only the realization of how forcing a kid to eat backfired with my mom held me in check.
You know what? It eventually paid off. It took a lot more than 15-20 tries, but by age 4, she was gradually accepting vegetables again. First carrots, then celery, then salads, and so on.
Success! On Sunday afternoon, my 6-year-old daughter asked to make her own lunch, and I said yes. Usually when she makes something for herself, it's a sandwich or a bowl of cereal. This Sunday, however, was different: she made a salad. And not just a basic lettuce salad, either. Her salad (in a big bowl, btw!) contained romaine lettuce, broccoli, cucumbers, celery, green beans and carrots. She added ranch dressing and ate the whole thing! Patience and a good example paid off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* One piece of advice I rejected when my daughter was an infant: read to your baby 20 minutes a day. Whose infant can sit through a 20-minute story??! Not mine. She'd either fall asleep after a minute or two, or grab the book and chew it! By age 2, however, she loved to have stories read to her.
** My mom, of course, waited until we were adults to tell us this.
But of course, there are so many parenting books out there, and some give differing or contradictory advice. How do you decide which advice to follow?
I have a good friend whose daughter was born a year after my daughter, and I wrote her a letter upon her daughter's birth titled something like, "The Ten Lessons I Learned from My First Year as a Parent." I don't remember all 10, but I do remember that I wrote something like the following about parenting advice: "Take it all in, weigh it, and decide whether it makes sense to you based on your experiences and what you know about your child. And if you're not sure, try it out and evaluate the results." In other words, parenting advice is just that--advice, not truth etched in stone. Advice can be weighed, examined, tried, evaluated, and even rejected.*
One piece of advice I have often read is about children who are picky eaters. The general consensus is that you shouldn't force children to eat anything, just encourage them to try new foods, and eventually they'll eat a variety. Other tips are offered: for example, having children help you grow, cook or prepare foods, and setting a good example by eating healthy foods yourself are recommended.
Still, there are some dissenters from this advice, those who say that kids learn to eat all kinds of foods only when not given a choice about whether or what to eat or not. And sometimes I struggled with whether or not that was true. Here is my tale...
My stubborn mama: My mom grew up with Depression-era parents who were of the mindset that you never waste food and you eat what's put before you or else. My mom, however, was both a very picky eater and very stubborn, and she fought them tooth and nail in this arena. If she was told she couldn't get up until she cleaned her plate, she sat at the table all day. If she was told that she could leave the table but would have to eat the same plate at the next mealtime, she'd go hungry. When faced with a kid that stubborn, parents either have to give in or become abusive (force-feed the kid, beat them, or starve them). Since my grandparents weren't abusive, eventually they'd give in.
But my mother never forgot those battles, and never really overcame her aversion to many foods, either. To this day, she hates oatmeal and most vegetables, except for sweet potatoes, green beans and iceberg lettuce.** And she decided that she wasn't going to battle with her own kids at the table.
She'd serve vegetables, even though she didn't like them, because she knew they were good for kids. But she'd make deals with us: we had to eat as many bites as we were old. Or, if a nutritional equivalent was in the fridge (a salad, or a leftover vegetable we liked), we could exchange it for what was on our plate. Because of this system, there weren't any dinner table battles in our home. But there might not have been anyway, since my siblings and I weren't very picky eaters. (I only disliked peas and lima beans).
My picky daughter: I had hoped for the same with my daughter, but alas, it wasn't to be. While she happily accepted baby food veggies at first, at about 18 months she started spitting them out. By age 3, the only vegetable she would eat was French fries with ketchup. And that bit of advice about how after 15-20 tries of a new food a kid will eat something? Not my kid. I tried hard not to compare her to my niece, who at age 3 was happily ordering bowls of broccoli for lunch.
At this point, I began to doubt the "don't force them, give it time" advice. Only the realization of how forcing a kid to eat backfired with my mom held me in check.
You know what? It eventually paid off. It took a lot more than 15-20 tries, but by age 4, she was gradually accepting vegetables again. First carrots, then celery, then salads, and so on.
Success! On Sunday afternoon, my 6-year-old daughter asked to make her own lunch, and I said yes. Usually when she makes something for herself, it's a sandwich or a bowl of cereal. This Sunday, however, was different: she made a salad. And not just a basic lettuce salad, either. Her salad (in a big bowl, btw!) contained romaine lettuce, broccoli, cucumbers, celery, green beans and carrots. She added ranch dressing and ate the whole thing! Patience and a good example paid off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* One piece of advice I rejected when my daughter was an infant: read to your baby 20 minutes a day. Whose infant can sit through a 20-minute story??! Not mine. She'd either fall asleep after a minute or two, or grab the book and chew it! By age 2, however, she loved to have stories read to her.
** My mom, of course, waited until we were adults to tell us this.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Cars, the Year from Hell, and My Delight
Crazy title, but bear with me, it's all related!
My dad died when I was 16, and as a result, my mom freaked out about the thought of her kids driving. Thus, I got my driver's license just before leaving for college, primarily to have a form of identification.
I lived the next 16 years car-free in the Boston area (easy to do, their public transportation system is very good) until I married a man in 2001 who owned a car. Even then, I continued to take public transportation to and from work and only used the car for road trips and shopping.
And then came the Year from Hell. In one year (actually, about 15 months), my husband had emergency open heart surgery, my father-in-law died, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant with a high-risk pregnancy*, one of my sisters-in-law had a stroke, another had a kidney transplant, two relatives died of cancer, and a young niece, distraught about all that was happening in our family, was hospitalized for cutting.
Buying a car: On top of all this, my husband totaled our car that year, and given that he was still recovering from surgery and not working and I was working sporadically depending on the state of my pregnancy, we had no money to replace it. (The insurance payout was eaten by other bills). That year Boston had one of the worst winters on record, and I found myself frequently trudging though several feet of snow to get to work, while pregnant, incontinent, and suffering from hyperemesis (extreme morning sickness).**
When I gave birth to our daughter***, my husband was working again but I had been on bed rest for four months, so we were still broke. And now with a baby, we desperately needed a car. We bought two clunkers off Craig's List for about $700 each, both of which lasted about 3 months, while we tried to save for a newer car. We eventually purchased a 3-year-old used Subaru, which, because we had excellent credit at the time, we were able to finance over 5.5 years.
Preserving the car: That Subaru is now 9 years old and has 155,000 miles on it. Among other things, it moved us cross-country, was hubby's on-the-road vehicle when he was in traveling sales, and now carries me on my 45-minutes-each-way commute to and from work. (We now have a second used vehicle that hubby drives). We'll make our final payment on the Subaru this summer.
When my car was out of commission this past winter, it cost $1,800 to repair it. At that time I made a decision: I want this car to last at least another three to five years after we own it free and clear.
I recently read an article about a man who owns a 1992 car with 2.5 million miles on it. His secret? Good maintenance. He spends about $1,000 a year to maintain it. The article recommends reading your owner's manual and following its maintenance instructions to the letter.
So that's what I'm doing. I'm reading the manual as well as books such as AAA's Driving Survival guide, I bought a tire pressure gauge to help me keep the tires inflated, and I'm trying to learn all the maintenance tips I never before worried about because I left auto maintenance to hubby.
This is very much a "green" thing to do. Maintaining a vehicle is a greener choice (in many cases) than replacing it, and it improves gas mileage. So here's to becoming an expert on my car!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* I got pregnant the first time my husband's cardiologist gave us the go-ahead to try sex. We had only planned to fool around. Ah, well...
** Since my husband couldn't work at that time, I had no choice but to keep working, no matter how sick I was or how difficult it was to trudge through snow.
*** As you may have guessed, my daughter's birth was My Delight. My mom said she prayed during my pregnancy, "Let this be a good baby, since they've gone through so much!" Her prayers were answered. My daughter was born healthy, she latched on immediately and never had any problems breastfeeding, she was rarely sick, and she was one of the happiest babies I've ever known. We drove with her as a one-month old to New Jersey to see my sister-in-law right after her kidney transplant. The hospital allowed us to bring the baby in for one minute only. The miracle of being alive and seeing her newborn niece lifted my sister-in-law's spirit to the heavens!
My dad died when I was 16, and as a result, my mom freaked out about the thought of her kids driving. Thus, I got my driver's license just before leaving for college, primarily to have a form of identification.
I lived the next 16 years car-free in the Boston area (easy to do, their public transportation system is very good) until I married a man in 2001 who owned a car. Even then, I continued to take public transportation to and from work and only used the car for road trips and shopping.
And then came the Year from Hell. In one year (actually, about 15 months), my husband had emergency open heart surgery, my father-in-law died, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant with a high-risk pregnancy*, one of my sisters-in-law had a stroke, another had a kidney transplant, two relatives died of cancer, and a young niece, distraught about all that was happening in our family, was hospitalized for cutting.
Buying a car: On top of all this, my husband totaled our car that year, and given that he was still recovering from surgery and not working and I was working sporadically depending on the state of my pregnancy, we had no money to replace it. (The insurance payout was eaten by other bills). That year Boston had one of the worst winters on record, and I found myself frequently trudging though several feet of snow to get to work, while pregnant, incontinent, and suffering from hyperemesis (extreme morning sickness).**
When I gave birth to our daughter***, my husband was working again but I had been on bed rest for four months, so we were still broke. And now with a baby, we desperately needed a car. We bought two clunkers off Craig's List for about $700 each, both of which lasted about 3 months, while we tried to save for a newer car. We eventually purchased a 3-year-old used Subaru, which, because we had excellent credit at the time, we were able to finance over 5.5 years.
Preserving the car: That Subaru is now 9 years old and has 155,000 miles on it. Among other things, it moved us cross-country, was hubby's on-the-road vehicle when he was in traveling sales, and now carries me on my 45-minutes-each-way commute to and from work. (We now have a second used vehicle that hubby drives). We'll make our final payment on the Subaru this summer.
When my car was out of commission this past winter, it cost $1,800 to repair it. At that time I made a decision: I want this car to last at least another three to five years after we own it free and clear.
I recently read an article about a man who owns a 1992 car with 2.5 million miles on it. His secret? Good maintenance. He spends about $1,000 a year to maintain it. The article recommends reading your owner's manual and following its maintenance instructions to the letter.
So that's what I'm doing. I'm reading the manual as well as books such as AAA's Driving Survival guide, I bought a tire pressure gauge to help me keep the tires inflated, and I'm trying to learn all the maintenance tips I never before worried about because I left auto maintenance to hubby.
This is very much a "green" thing to do. Maintaining a vehicle is a greener choice (in many cases) than replacing it, and it improves gas mileage. So here's to becoming an expert on my car!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* I got pregnant the first time my husband's cardiologist gave us the go-ahead to try sex. We had only planned to fool around. Ah, well...
** Since my husband couldn't work at that time, I had no choice but to keep working, no matter how sick I was or how difficult it was to trudge through snow.
*** As you may have guessed, my daughter's birth was My Delight. My mom said she prayed during my pregnancy, "Let this be a good baby, since they've gone through so much!" Her prayers were answered. My daughter was born healthy, she latched on immediately and never had any problems breastfeeding, she was rarely sick, and she was one of the happiest babies I've ever known. We drove with her as a one-month old to New Jersey to see my sister-in-law right after her kidney transplant. The hospital allowed us to bring the baby in for one minute only. The miracle of being alive and seeing her newborn niece lifted my sister-in-law's spirit to the heavens!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Weekly summer staycation adventure!
Mt. Rainier, Washington. Image from publicdomainpictures.net.
Several factors--a lack of funds for vacation travel, my daughter's daycare teacher being short-staffed on Mondays this summer, and the advice of educational experts--led me to plan what I'm calling our "Weekly Summer Staycation Adventure!"
Instead of taking a week or more off from work, I'm going to take every Monday off to do something fun and educational with my daughter. There are tons of low-cost places to visit in the area, many of which we've never been to. And educational experts advise that one of the most effective way to help your children learn during the summer is to reinforce experiences with reading, writing and other learning activities. Having a different experience each week, rather than cramming a bunch of experiences into a short time frame, will give us quality time to do that.
Here are the experiences we have planned (not yet in any set order):
1) The Hands-On Children's Museum in Olympia, WA.
2) A visit to Alaffia's factory in Lacey, WA.
3) Fort Nisqually Living History Museum in Tacoma.
4) Port Defiance Zoo and Aquarium in Tacoma.
5) The Tacoma Nature Center's Discovery Pond.
6) A trip to Mount Rainier (this may be a weekend event, because I want hubby to join us). Mt. Rainier is the impressive peak that looms over Western Washington, but is only visible when the sun is out. If you're new to Washington State and you arrive when it's overcast as I did three years ago, the first time this huge mountain appears in your vista is indescribable.
7) Stewart Heights Pool and Water Park in Tacoma. (This one is just for fun!)
8) Maybe even blueberry picking at Charlotte's Blueberry Park in Tacoma.
9) Perhaps a visit to a farm in the area.
We may add others as we discover them. For each experience, we will get books from the library to learn more, we will write stories and do art projects, and if I can be creative enough, incorporate math and science. I'll blog more about this throughout the summer.
Each of these locations is relatively low-cost (admission is either free, or less than $10, except for the zoo), I plan to pack our lunches, and for the Tacoma locations, I hope to take the bus.
BTW, all praise to Metro Parks Tacoma, the muncipal corporation that manages every single one of the Tacoma locations above, making available incredible opportunities for recreation, the arts and nature for the people of Greater Tacoma!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Reading "No Impact Man"... and straightening my daughter's hair
Bear with me, they're connected!
When my sister, who lives in New York City, told me a couple months ago that she had attended the book signing of Colin Beavan's No Impact Man, it just didn't occur to me that she might purchase a signed copy for me! I was surprised and thrilled to receive the book as a Christmas present from her.
One of the early lessons of Beavan's "No Impact" experiment that he highlights in the first few chapters is that living sustainably should not be about asceticism. Instead, Beavan asked whether or not our consumerist, throw-away lifestyle is making us happy, and if not, could he and his family find a way, via low impact living, to become happier and more fulfilled?
Armed with these thoughts, I spent the day after Christmas... at the mall. I have mentioned before that my husband is 6'7", and thus can't generally find clothing his size second-hand, so we went as a family to see if he could take advantage of the post-Christmas sales to make some purchases he needed.
While hubby shopped, my daughter and I strolled the mall. I can't even remember the last time we went to a mall--it's been well over a year. My daugther, like many children her age, is into the "gimme" stage, but the item that caught her fancy the most surprised me. We stopped at several of the kiosks in the middle of the mall to check out their products, and at one, a woman selling high-end flat irons straightened out a lock of hair on each of our heads.
My daughter was delighted and wanted me to buy the flat iron. At the post-Christmas 50% off price of $120, it was still well our of my price range. But daughter knew I have a similar item at home, and asked if I would do her hair with it when we got home. I promised I would.
I haven't used my flat iron in the past year since I stopped relaxing my hair, and I've never used it on my daughter's hair. Of course, mine is a rather low-end version, so it took several go-overs to straighten her hair. She loved the final result, however, asking me if her hair would stay like this.
"No," I said. "It will last a couple of days, or until it gets wet, whichever comes first."
"But Hannah's hair stays like this all the time!" she objected. (Hannah is her best buddy from day care).
"Well, Hannah has a very different type of hair than you do," I explained. "But let me tell you a little secret: people LOVE your hair. People pay lots of money to have hair like yours."
Maybe it's not such a secret: she gets complimented on her hair almost every time we got out. Like her mother, she has super thick, super-curly hair in an unusual color: a honey brown with dark brown, auburn and platinum highlights. Add that to her beautiful face and she's very striking. My hair was something I hated as a child, because it was hard to comb (although thanks to my homemade detangler, it's getting easier to comb both our heads), and because it made me different. It took years of hearing hair dressers say to me, "Boy, I wish I could bottle your hair color/texture and sell it," for me to believe my hair was beautiful.
I hope that my daughter will grow up appreciating her hair, and yet I want her to have the flexibility of styling her hair different ways, even straightening it if she chooses, in ways that are non-chemical and non-toxic. In a variation of No Impact Man's musings, I don't want her to be an ascetic about her hair. I want her to feel like she can have fun with her hair, try new things, etc., in ways that are healthy for her and the planet--AND while being proud of herself the way she is, as a young black girl (and someday, woman).
I remember reading a NIM blog post in which Beavan's daughter, who is the same age (4 1/2 years old) as my daughter, asked if she could eat meat like her friends. Beavan and his wife are vegetarians. He said, "Yes"--because he wants her to choose for herself. She tried meat and didn't like it.
So like Beavan, part of my journey has to be about setting an example for my daughter, but letting her choose for herself.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
I spoke too soon...
... and the day after I last posted, I woke up with the same symptoms as my daughter: fever, headache, body aches and cough. My daughter's doctor said we both probably have the swine flu, albeit fairly mild cases, since the regular flu isn't really around yet. We both seem to be on the mend, although I (as always) am still coughing my head off.
A few random musings:
-- My husband, as usual, hasn't caught anything from us. In this instance especially, I am happy for his typical resistance to infection, since as a diabetic with heart issues, he's at risk for severe swine flu, and the vaccine hasn't been available locally except for pregnant women, very young children, and homeless individuals.
-- I'm glad my daughter seems to have a strong constitution, unlike her mother. I remember being a child and how I seemed to catch whatever was going around, and I was usually very sick for at least a week, and many times much longer. Meanwhile, my brother and sister would get sick, if at all, only mildly for a day or two.
The worst occasion (at least socially!) was during February when I was 14. Friday was a half day of school, and I had plans to spend the night at a friend's. Saturday she and I were to attend a birthday party during the day, and a Valentine's dance in the evening. Sunday evening I was to spend the night with another friend, since Monday was President's Day and a holiday from school.
I had had a sore throat for several days, and my mother asked me to go to the doctor on Friday morning, just to be sure nothing was wrong. He examined me for a few minutes and said, "You have the mumps."
I replied, "No, I don't."
Doc: Yes, you do.
Me: No. I. DON'T!
Doc: I'm sorry to say, but Yes. You. Do.
Me: No, it can't be! It can't be!
Doc: (laughing) Did you have a big weekend planned?
Me: Yes! (in despair!)
I found out when I returned to school ten days later that two other kids at school also had the mumps. Neither was someone I hung out with, so how I caught it is a mystery. And naturally, neither of my siblings caught the mumps from me, despite my attempts to pass it on!
My daughter, on the other hand, has rarely been sick. As an infant, she never had colic and had only one ear infection. She caught a really bad upper respiratory infection from me (natch!) at nine months old and was really sick for about a month (the ear infection occurred during this time). Of course, my illness at that time lasted for about three months! Since then, my daughter was never sick again until last fall (almost three years later!) when she developed a persistent cough, which her doctor said may have been caused by breathing in all the mold in the air during her first cold, damp Tacoma autumn. And after that cleared up, she didn't get sick again until last week.
When I think about the things I have to be grateful for, having a healthy child is one of the top items on the list!
--I love my GladRags. This may be TMI, but hey, one of the purposes of my blog is to help people with practical green solutions. I use resusable menstrual pads, which I purchased from GladRags. (For tampon wearers, they also offer Diva Cups, another reusable product). I find GladRags to be much more comfortable than disposable pads. And when I'm sick, they have another use.
When I was pregnant, I developed stress incontinence--urine leakage when I coughed, laughed, sneezed or vomit. It mostly cleared up after I gave birth, but it affects me again when I'm sick, especially when I cough a lot. When I was pregnant, I purchased Poise and Depends pads, but I found them bulky, ineffective and embarrassing to wear. My GladRags, on the other hand, are much more comfortable and absorbent--not only good for the environment, but good for my peace of mind!
A few random musings:
-- My husband, as usual, hasn't caught anything from us. In this instance especially, I am happy for his typical resistance to infection, since as a diabetic with heart issues, he's at risk for severe swine flu, and the vaccine hasn't been available locally except for pregnant women, very young children, and homeless individuals.
-- I'm glad my daughter seems to have a strong constitution, unlike her mother. I remember being a child and how I seemed to catch whatever was going around, and I was usually very sick for at least a week, and many times much longer. Meanwhile, my brother and sister would get sick, if at all, only mildly for a day or two.
The worst occasion (at least socially!) was during February when I was 14. Friday was a half day of school, and I had plans to spend the night at a friend's. Saturday she and I were to attend a birthday party during the day, and a Valentine's dance in the evening. Sunday evening I was to spend the night with another friend, since Monday was President's Day and a holiday from school.
I had had a sore throat for several days, and my mother asked me to go to the doctor on Friday morning, just to be sure nothing was wrong. He examined me for a few minutes and said, "You have the mumps."
I replied, "No, I don't."
Doc: Yes, you do.
Me: No. I. DON'T!
Doc: I'm sorry to say, but Yes. You. Do.
Me: No, it can't be! It can't be!
Doc: (laughing) Did you have a big weekend planned?
Me: Yes! (in despair!)
I found out when I returned to school ten days later that two other kids at school also had the mumps. Neither was someone I hung out with, so how I caught it is a mystery. And naturally, neither of my siblings caught the mumps from me, despite my attempts to pass it on!
My daughter, on the other hand, has rarely been sick. As an infant, she never had colic and had only one ear infection. She caught a really bad upper respiratory infection from me (natch!) at nine months old and was really sick for about a month (the ear infection occurred during this time). Of course, my illness at that time lasted for about three months! Since then, my daughter was never sick again until last fall (almost three years later!) when she developed a persistent cough, which her doctor said may have been caused by breathing in all the mold in the air during her first cold, damp Tacoma autumn. And after that cleared up, she didn't get sick again until last week.
When I think about the things I have to be grateful for, having a healthy child is one of the top items on the list!
--I love my GladRags. This may be TMI, but hey, one of the purposes of my blog is to help people with practical green solutions. I use resusable menstrual pads, which I purchased from GladRags. (For tampon wearers, they also offer Diva Cups, another reusable product). I find GladRags to be much more comfortable than disposable pads. And when I'm sick, they have another use.
When I was pregnant, I developed stress incontinence--urine leakage when I coughed, laughed, sneezed or vomit. It mostly cleared up after I gave birth, but it affects me again when I'm sick, especially when I cough a lot. When I was pregnant, I purchased Poise and Depends pads, but I found them bulky, ineffective and embarrassing to wear. My GladRags, on the other hand, are much more comfortable and absorbent--not only good for the environment, but good for my peace of mind!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Sunflowers in bloom
Four of the six sunflower seeds my daughter and I planted survived the seedling stage, My daughter ran in the house today, so excited because one of them had bloomed! The plant is about six inches tall now, and the flower is about two inches in diameter, and simply beautiful.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Last Child in the Woods
That's the name of a book by Richard Louw, subtitled, "Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder." The book "bring[s] together a new and growing body of research indicating that direct exposure to nature is essential for healthy childhood development and for the physical and emotional health of children and adults. More than just raising an alarm, Louv offers practical solutions and simple ways to heal the broken bond—and many are right in our own backyard."
I haven't yet read it, but I want to do so. As a lifelong city kid, I really felt this deficit last week, when my mom and sister were visiting. We spent three days staying in a cabin owned by my boss on the Olympic Penninsula here in Washington state that is surrounded by woods.
I went to day camp once as a child, when I was six. I had such a bad allergic reaction to the pollens in the woods that my eyes swelled shut--and my mother never sent me to camp again. As an adult, I've gone camping a few times, but always in campgrounds that had indoor restrooms and showers--no real roughing it. So my knowledge of nature is limited.
I really felt that lack as we walked through the woods around my boss' cabin with my daughter. Curious child that she is, she wanted to look at and touch everything, and I often stopped her. I was afraid of things such as dangerous insects, poisonous berries (since she often puts such things in her mouth), and poison ivy. My problem is, I don't know how to recognize what is safe and what is dangerous in nature, and what to do if I encounter such things. My logical response then, is to overprotect my daughter.
I'd like her to be more free to explore and experience nature, but it will take a lot more knowledge on my part (or that of someone else who can teach her).
I haven't yet read it, but I want to do so. As a lifelong city kid, I really felt this deficit last week, when my mom and sister were visiting. We spent three days staying in a cabin owned by my boss on the Olympic Penninsula here in Washington state that is surrounded by woods.
I went to day camp once as a child, when I was six. I had such a bad allergic reaction to the pollens in the woods that my eyes swelled shut--and my mother never sent me to camp again. As an adult, I've gone camping a few times, but always in campgrounds that had indoor restrooms and showers--no real roughing it. So my knowledge of nature is limited.
I really felt that lack as we walked through the woods around my boss' cabin with my daughter. Curious child that she is, she wanted to look at and touch everything, and I often stopped her. I was afraid of things such as dangerous insects, poisonous berries (since she often puts such things in her mouth), and poison ivy. My problem is, I don't know how to recognize what is safe and what is dangerous in nature, and what to do if I encounter such things. My logical response then, is to overprotect my daughter.
I'd like her to be more free to explore and experience nature, but it will take a lot more knowledge on my part (or that of someone else who can teach her).
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Of princesses and politics
Although I said when I started that I'd be talking about more than just "green" issues, this is my first post that really veers from that. So I'll mention a few green things to start: my spinach and tomatoes are sprouting, but my lettuce is doing horribly. Hubby bought some green bean plant starts, and I think I might have to do that with lettuce. On the plus side, our bird feeder is paying off. My daughter and I have been able to watch chickadees, sparrows, robins and even a dove come visit!
So the point of this post: Daughter turned four on Saturday, and had two parties: one in a park in the morning with some family friends with two daughters, and a sleepover with two of her friends from daycare on Saturday night. They all had a blast!
My daughter, like all the little girls mentioned above, is really into Disney princess stuff. Now, I happen to think Belle and Mulan are pretty cool; the rest of the princesses I have mixed feelings about, but not enough to ban her from it. However, I have noticed, and the friend with the two daughters above and I discussed the fact that on most of the Disney paraphenalia, the "princesses of color" (Mulan, Pocahontas, and Jasmine) are often left out. Jasmine is sometimes included, but Mulan and Pocahontas, almost never. I have to wonder why. Even Sleeping Beauty, who is the most useless and passive of the bunch (and therefore the least likely for a young girl to want to emulate) appears on almost all the princess merchandise.
I just learned today that later this year, Disney is introducing its first African-American princess, Tiana, in the animated, "The Princess and the Frog." I have to wonder whether she will continue to appear prominently on princess paraphenalia after the movie has gone from the theaters, or if she will be left out like Mulan, Pocahontas and Jasmine.
I read a few discussions about the new Disney movie, including the fact that Tiana's love interest is possibly white (the cartoon character is dark-haired and olive skinned, the actor voicing him Brazilian; btw, I have no problem with the character being white or "other"), and others which talk about the importance of this movie as a role model for black children, especially girls. In the latter case, some mention the famous doll study used as part of the evidence in the Brown v. Board of Education case. This study has been repeated recently, with similar results: black children preferring white dolls to black ones.
Anyway, it makes me wonder what, if anything, I should be teaching my daughter about race. I don't remember my parents teaching me anything specific, but I remember often preferring black dolls as a child. My favorite set were the Happy Family (scroll down on this page to view them), who I loved not just because they were black but because they also had black hair texture, unlike, say, black Barbies. But I grew up in a predominantly black environment. My daughter, if we continue to live where we live now, will grow up in a majority white (~70%) community.
Right now, she makes observations about people that are just statements of fact, unconnected to politics or sociology. "Daddy is brown, and Mommy, you and me are yellow," she says. A little girl at her daycare is Chinese, she observes, and a boy there has two mommies. Right now, there's nothing remarkable about these facts to her, and I'd love for it to stay that way--where people are people, and their differences are just interesting facts about them.
But I wonder if that's possible. I remember talking with the teenage daughter of a friend a few years ago, who told me about the tensions at her high school between kids of different races. It made me sad, especially when I think of my own high school years in the 1980's, during which, even amid the turmoil of recent desegregation, the kids of different races got along fairly well. (It was the racism of some teachers that was the bigger problem).
And I wonder what Disney is communicating when they make movies about diverse characters but then cut them out of their merchandise. Just food for thought.
So the point of this post: Daughter turned four on Saturday, and had two parties: one in a park in the morning with some family friends with two daughters, and a sleepover with two of her friends from daycare on Saturday night. They all had a blast!
My daughter, like all the little girls mentioned above, is really into Disney princess stuff. Now, I happen to think Belle and Mulan are pretty cool; the rest of the princesses I have mixed feelings about, but not enough to ban her from it. However, I have noticed, and the friend with the two daughters above and I discussed the fact that on most of the Disney paraphenalia, the "princesses of color" (Mulan, Pocahontas, and Jasmine) are often left out. Jasmine is sometimes included, but Mulan and Pocahontas, almost never. I have to wonder why. Even Sleeping Beauty, who is the most useless and passive of the bunch (and therefore the least likely for a young girl to want to emulate) appears on almost all the princess merchandise.
I just learned today that later this year, Disney is introducing its first African-American princess, Tiana, in the animated, "The Princess and the Frog." I have to wonder whether she will continue to appear prominently on princess paraphenalia after the movie has gone from the theaters, or if she will be left out like Mulan, Pocahontas and Jasmine.
I read a few discussions about the new Disney movie, including the fact that Tiana's love interest is possibly white (the cartoon character is dark-haired and olive skinned, the actor voicing him Brazilian; btw, I have no problem with the character being white or "other"), and others which talk about the importance of this movie as a role model for black children, especially girls. In the latter case, some mention the famous doll study used as part of the evidence in the Brown v. Board of Education case. This study has been repeated recently, with similar results: black children preferring white dolls to black ones.
Anyway, it makes me wonder what, if anything, I should be teaching my daughter about race. I don't remember my parents teaching me anything specific, but I remember often preferring black dolls as a child. My favorite set were the Happy Family (scroll down on this page to view them), who I loved not just because they were black but because they also had black hair texture, unlike, say, black Barbies. But I grew up in a predominantly black environment. My daughter, if we continue to live where we live now, will grow up in a majority white (~70%) community.
Right now, she makes observations about people that are just statements of fact, unconnected to politics or sociology. "Daddy is brown, and Mommy, you and me are yellow," she says. A little girl at her daycare is Chinese, she observes, and a boy there has two mommies. Right now, there's nothing remarkable about these facts to her, and I'd love for it to stay that way--where people are people, and their differences are just interesting facts about them.
But I wonder if that's possible. I remember talking with the teenage daughter of a friend a few years ago, who told me about the tensions at her high school between kids of different races. It made me sad, especially when I think of my own high school years in the 1980's, during which, even amid the turmoil of recent desegregation, the kids of different races got along fairly well. (It was the racism of some teachers that was the bigger problem).
And I wonder what Disney is communicating when they make movies about diverse characters but then cut them out of their merchandise. Just food for thought.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Good stuff!
We got hubby's nuclear stress test results back and his heart is doing well (yay!); our little one turns four this week; and we attended a meeting of the Tacoma Food Policy Council and they're very interested in our Hilltop Farms idea.
Hubby is really getting into the container gardening thing, as well as being the driving force behind Hilltop Farms. I think that the second heart scare five years after his surgery has lit a fire under him. And when he gets passionate about something, watch out!
Oh, one more thing: I googled "natural yard care," because we have little clue what we're doing (beyond mowing and raking). Everything that came up to the top of the search (the first two pages!) were sites here in Washington state. I guess that we're in the right place for learning, being the state with the nation's first Master Gardener program. Add that to our experiences in Boston--the folks at the meeting last night had heard of The Food Project, which one called "one of the oldest and best youth-oriented sustainable food movements in the country." We are in a good place, information-wise! In any case, I had made a mental note to download at some point the documents on natural yard care I found on the web, but I no longer need to. The Food Policy Council meeting was held at the Tacoma Nature Center, and almost all the docs I found online were available there as free hand-outs.
Hubby is really getting into the container gardening thing, as well as being the driving force behind Hilltop Farms. I think that the second heart scare five years after his surgery has lit a fire under him. And when he gets passionate about something, watch out!
Oh, one more thing: I googled "natural yard care," because we have little clue what we're doing (beyond mowing and raking). Everything that came up to the top of the search (the first two pages!) were sites here in Washington state. I guess that we're in the right place for learning, being the state with the nation's first Master Gardener program. Add that to our experiences in Boston--the folks at the meeting last night had heard of The Food Project, which one called "one of the oldest and best youth-oriented sustainable food movements in the country." We are in a good place, information-wise! In any case, I had made a mental note to download at some point the documents on natural yard care I found on the web, but I no longer need to. The Food Policy Council meeting was held at the Tacoma Nature Center, and almost all the docs I found online were available there as free hand-outs.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
The environment and health in communities of color
So much of this stuff ties together... good health, universal health care, the environment, justice issues, etc., etc....
My family and childhood were fairly stable, and yet my siblings and I, and several of my cousins, spent much of our childhoods without our fathers. Not because they abandoned us or ended up in prison--but because they died. Like many African-American families, my family suffered and continues to suffer greatly from such things as diabetes, strokes, heart disease and cancer.
The same is true of my husband's family, and he himself has diabetes and had open heart surgery five years ago. Back in Massachusetts (which now has a state-wide system of universal health care), he was monitored monthly. Here in Washington state, we pay higher health care premiums, higher co-pays and for the first time ever, have had to pay deductibles. All while earning less than we did in Massachusetts and paying more for virtually everything (except auto insurance).
As a result, my husband isn't getting the level or quality of care he got back in Massachusetts. He had a stress test today, and it was worrisome to his doctor. We don't yet know what it means, but it scares me. I think of my daughter, possibly becoming yet another child in my family to not grow up with her father--again, not because of abandonment or imprisonment, but because of health issues.
My organization and several local churches are working with Amy B and the health department on a new initiative to try to reduce the shockingly high infant mortality rates here in Tacoma, especially among communities of color. We met today and Amy B showed us a segment of a documentary called, "Unnatural Causes." This segment was about infant and maternal health in the African-American community, and how low-birth weight and infant mortality are more than twice as high among blacks than whites, at all socioeconomic levels. One major cause: stress. The film points out that a lifetime of cumulative stress for a mother can affect her babies in utero, already putting the children at risk. Like almost everyone Amy B has shown this film to, those of us in the room were stunned and almost in tears by the end of it.
It's because of things like this that I've become so invested in environmental issues. I nursed my daughter for a long time (longer than I wanted to, LOL!), because I wanted to help her have the best start in life I could, given that she already had strikes against her in her family background. It's why I want to provide her and other children from communities of color with access to healthier, affordable foods. It's why I want to prevent their exposure to toxins.
I'm taking steps to start the Hilltop Farms, identifying partners and looking for funding, but it's going to be a lot of work. And the group that Amy B is trying to pull together is trying to create a web of support for low-income pregnant women and new mothers. The link between the two is that we want to provide women in the group with coupons to shop at the Hilltop Farms farmer's market, as well as recipes and meal ideas. WIC provides $10 worth of farmer's market coupons to recipients for the entire season (June-October). That, of course, doesn't go far at all (and yet, I still saw a long line of women lined up for WIC coupons at the Tacoma Farmer's Market last summer, so there IS a demand). Our plan would be to provide a $10 coupon every time a woman attends a workshop, or something like that.
When we met this morning, we talked about how easy it is to get overwhelmed by all the issues. For me, they're personal as well as professional. Trying not to--since now I know more about how damaging stress is...
And please let Obama be able to put in place some form of universal health care! The lack of it is literally killing our country.
My family and childhood were fairly stable, and yet my siblings and I, and several of my cousins, spent much of our childhoods without our fathers. Not because they abandoned us or ended up in prison--but because they died. Like many African-American families, my family suffered and continues to suffer greatly from such things as diabetes, strokes, heart disease and cancer.
The same is true of my husband's family, and he himself has diabetes and had open heart surgery five years ago. Back in Massachusetts (which now has a state-wide system of universal health care), he was monitored monthly. Here in Washington state, we pay higher health care premiums, higher co-pays and for the first time ever, have had to pay deductibles. All while earning less than we did in Massachusetts and paying more for virtually everything (except auto insurance).
As a result, my husband isn't getting the level or quality of care he got back in Massachusetts. He had a stress test today, and it was worrisome to his doctor. We don't yet know what it means, but it scares me. I think of my daughter, possibly becoming yet another child in my family to not grow up with her father--again, not because of abandonment or imprisonment, but because of health issues.
My organization and several local churches are working with Amy B and the health department on a new initiative to try to reduce the shockingly high infant mortality rates here in Tacoma, especially among communities of color. We met today and Amy B showed us a segment of a documentary called, "Unnatural Causes." This segment was about infant and maternal health in the African-American community, and how low-birth weight and infant mortality are more than twice as high among blacks than whites, at all socioeconomic levels. One major cause: stress. The film points out that a lifetime of cumulative stress for a mother can affect her babies in utero, already putting the children at risk. Like almost everyone Amy B has shown this film to, those of us in the room were stunned and almost in tears by the end of it.
It's because of things like this that I've become so invested in environmental issues. I nursed my daughter for a long time (longer than I wanted to, LOL!), because I wanted to help her have the best start in life I could, given that she already had strikes against her in her family background. It's why I want to provide her and other children from communities of color with access to healthier, affordable foods. It's why I want to prevent their exposure to toxins.
I'm taking steps to start the Hilltop Farms, identifying partners and looking for funding, but it's going to be a lot of work. And the group that Amy B is trying to pull together is trying to create a web of support for low-income pregnant women and new mothers. The link between the two is that we want to provide women in the group with coupons to shop at the Hilltop Farms farmer's market, as well as recipes and meal ideas. WIC provides $10 worth of farmer's market coupons to recipients for the entire season (June-October). That, of course, doesn't go far at all (and yet, I still saw a long line of women lined up for WIC coupons at the Tacoma Farmer's Market last summer, so there IS a demand). Our plan would be to provide a $10 coupon every time a woman attends a workshop, or something like that.
When we met this morning, we talked about how easy it is to get overwhelmed by all the issues. For me, they're personal as well as professional. Trying not to--since now I know more about how damaging stress is...
And please let Obama be able to put in place some form of universal health care! The lack of it is literally killing our country.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sharing our wisdom and knowledge
At one time in human history, wisdom was passed from elders who taught their childen everything they knew in very hands-on ways. We've lost a lot of that. We've gained in different ways, through universal primary and secondary education and the opportunities many have to further their education beyond that. And of course, libraries and the Internet are fantastic tools for self-education.
But we really are missing something by not passing on knowledge in the old-fashioned ways as well. I've been reading the books I have about gardening, and I'm learning about such things as plant diseases, seed-saving, improving your plants' hardiness, etc. My father was a gardener and trained horticulturalist, and he never taught me these things. He was a great father in many, many ways, but he never passed on to his children his wisdom in the area of his greatest expertise. We helped in the garden with weeding and picking ripe veggies, but he never had us help him plant anything, never taught us about how to ensure a successful harvest, never taught us about fertilization--you get the idea. I want my daughter to help me at every stage along the way in my own attempt to become a gardener. Maybe she'll never use that knowledge as an adult, but at least she'll have it.
Parenting is another area in which shared wisdom is often not passed down. (And some that is passed down can be downright harmful--my boss was talking recently about the old wives' tale of giving babies Scotch to keep them quiet!). I have read that about 94% of women have the ability to breastfeed successfully, but breastfeeding rates in the US are much lower than that. That's partly due to work and cultural pressures that make breastfeeding a challenge, but also due to the difficulties some women have in successfully establishing breastfeeding. I was lucky--my daugther latched on well the first time we tried and off we went, never having any problems with nursing. A lot of women aren't so lucky, and don't have the support they need to overcome any breastfeeding problems they encounter.
I really wanted to cloth-diaper, in large part because of my concerns about the environment. I didn't, for many reasons: I had to return to work full-time after 8 weeks of maternity leave, we didn't have our own washer and dryer, and there was no diaper-cleaning service in my area. Several women I talked to said that given that, it would be nearly impossible for me to keep up with the laundry.
In addition to the laundry logistics challenge, I also felt that I lacked knowledge. I looked online at cloth-diaper sites, and there were so many varieties--which would be best? The easiest to use were also the most expensive, and most out of my price range. The ones I could afford, I wasn't confident I could figure out how to use. The info many sites provided about how to clean and care for cloth diapers often conflicted. So even without the laundry issue, my knowledge gap made cloth diapering seem daunting.
Here's a shout-out, then to a store that is trying to share their wisdom and knowledge about parenting: Best Loved Baby, a natural children's boutique here in Tacoma. I met some of the co-owners last summer at a community festival, and they told me that they offer free classes and lots of advice on how to cloth diaper, how to pick the best cloth diapers for your child and lifestyle, how to launder them, etc. They started the store, and the classes, in large part because they felt that when they began having children, no one was around to teach them. Therefore, they want to help teach other families. Here is their story. (Sad to say, by the time I met them, my daughter was already potty-trained).
I have also made some recent connections, locally and nationally, with groups that are helping others with gardening and eco-living. I'll write more about them as I learn more.
But we really are missing something by not passing on knowledge in the old-fashioned ways as well. I've been reading the books I have about gardening, and I'm learning about such things as plant diseases, seed-saving, improving your plants' hardiness, etc. My father was a gardener and trained horticulturalist, and he never taught me these things. He was a great father in many, many ways, but he never passed on to his children his wisdom in the area of his greatest expertise. We helped in the garden with weeding and picking ripe veggies, but he never had us help him plant anything, never taught us about how to ensure a successful harvest, never taught us about fertilization--you get the idea. I want my daughter to help me at every stage along the way in my own attempt to become a gardener. Maybe she'll never use that knowledge as an adult, but at least she'll have it.
Parenting is another area in which shared wisdom is often not passed down. (And some that is passed down can be downright harmful--my boss was talking recently about the old wives' tale of giving babies Scotch to keep them quiet!). I have read that about 94% of women have the ability to breastfeed successfully, but breastfeeding rates in the US are much lower than that. That's partly due to work and cultural pressures that make breastfeeding a challenge, but also due to the difficulties some women have in successfully establishing breastfeeding. I was lucky--my daugther latched on well the first time we tried and off we went, never having any problems with nursing. A lot of women aren't so lucky, and don't have the support they need to overcome any breastfeeding problems they encounter.
I really wanted to cloth-diaper, in large part because of my concerns about the environment. I didn't, for many reasons: I had to return to work full-time after 8 weeks of maternity leave, we didn't have our own washer and dryer, and there was no diaper-cleaning service in my area. Several women I talked to said that given that, it would be nearly impossible for me to keep up with the laundry.
In addition to the laundry logistics challenge, I also felt that I lacked knowledge. I looked online at cloth-diaper sites, and there were so many varieties--which would be best? The easiest to use were also the most expensive, and most out of my price range. The ones I could afford, I wasn't confident I could figure out how to use. The info many sites provided about how to clean and care for cloth diapers often conflicted. So even without the laundry issue, my knowledge gap made cloth diapering seem daunting.
Here's a shout-out, then to a store that is trying to share their wisdom and knowledge about parenting: Best Loved Baby, a natural children's boutique here in Tacoma. I met some of the co-owners last summer at a community festival, and they told me that they offer free classes and lots of advice on how to cloth diaper, how to pick the best cloth diapers for your child and lifestyle, how to launder them, etc. They started the store, and the classes, in large part because they felt that when they began having children, no one was around to teach them. Therefore, they want to help teach other families. Here is their story. (Sad to say, by the time I met them, my daughter was already potty-trained).
I have also made some recent connections, locally and nationally, with groups that are helping others with gardening and eco-living. I'll write more about them as I learn more.
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